Warning: Dragon Bell unleashed early!

I know this is going to sound sexist, but I have often wondered why it should be up to BOTH a man and the woman to decide if they want to have more kids or not, I mean the reality is, the woman has to go through the pregnancy ups and downs, the pain of childbirth, the dramas with breastfeeding and the sleepless nights when getting up to feed.  Don't get me wrong, my husband is often referred to as 'Super-Dad' because he is so hands on and really is an amazing father and huge support to me, but the thing is there are certain things he just can't do, even if he wanted to.

So I mentioned this pondering of mine to him when we started talking about having a third child and said perhaps all I need to do is politely inform him of my decision once I've made it (tounge-in-cheek) since a lot of the the things that were potentially putting me off getting pregnant again wouldn't affect him.  His immediate response was "Yes, you do have to put up with a lot when you get pregnant BUT I have to put up with YOU!"

At the time I was suitably shocked by his response because my rose-tinted glasses were on and all I could remember was this chilled out, relaxed, blooming, mother-earth preggie Māmā from my last 2 experiences and couldn't understand what he was getting at.  Now, I do.

When I was teaching last in 2009, my 12 year old kids gave me the nickname 'Dragon Bell'.  I wasn't offended by this as I actually had a great relationship with my kids and only heard about the nickname when I finally told them the happy news that I was pregnant with my first child, to which they replied "Ohhhhhh, so that explains it, we've started calling you Dragon Bell lately because you have been so grouchy!"  This was one of many grouchy pregnancy stories that had conveniently slipped my mind before my conversation with my husband, however, I still couldn't believe that I was as bad as they remembered!  I did have some vague recollections of the odd restless night or complaining from me last time with my 2nd but only in the last couple of weeks before I was due.  Once again - this is what I seem to remember, not what my husband would attest to!

This time though I have hit a wall early.  Dragon Bell has been unleashed on my poor husband, children and anyone who comes within a 10m radius of me and I can't seem to shake my alter-ego.  I can hear myself complaining or snapping at others and know I am being unreasonable but my mind is made of mush and I just can't seem to pull myself out of these black moods.

I was in a really scary car accident almost 2 weeks ago and until then I was doing well.  I don't know if the accident has anything to do with it or not, or it's just the fact the I am bigger now but I am struggling to sleep which in turn causes havoc with my emotions and patience.  I am tired all the time and suffering from the worst heartburn ever which is hindering what and when I can eat.  And anyone who knows me well, knows that even at the best of times, if I am tired or hungry-beware!

I don't want to beat myself about it because this seems to be quite normal symptoms for many pregnant women but I hate feeling like this and I don't like that my husband and kids seem to be wearing the brunt of it, as they are in striking distance most often.   If I was due next week, I would happily say "Tough luck peeps, I'm being a bitch and I know it - just deal with it!"  The problem is I am only 30 weeks and still have a LONG 10 weeks ahead of me, which will feel probably even longer for those who have to put up with me too!

Did anyone else turn into a dragon while pregnant and if so, what did you do to try and control the monster within?

Weight a minute...that can't be right!

Getting on the scales and tracking my weight is nothing new for me during pregnancy... or at any other time!  It has long held a place in my life, right back into my teenage years and has provided many moments of success and achievement and many, many more of shock, shame and frustration.

This third pregnancy has gone a little differently weight wise as I have touched on briefly in some of my other posts.  I told myself that if I blogged publicly, I would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so I am going to put my actual weights out there, into the big (hopefully not too cruel or judgemental) online world.

So here is how it all 'weighs' up in comparison with the first 2 pregnancies.  With my 1st preg, I fell pregnant weighing in at 79kgs, which is a good weight for me.  I had lost some weight before I got married and at my lowest was 77kgs, so at 79kgs I was happy.  On the day I gave birth to H, I weighed 99kgs, so an overall gain of 20kgs.  I was told that for a first pregnancy this was pretty standard and to be fair I was happy with this as I was dreading hitting the hundy mark!

As every mother knows, losing the baby weight is a whole different story and I had my struggles to get back down to size.  In fact, I followed many others in the pattern of retaining the last 5kgs of baby weight.  Meaning that I lost about 15kgs out of the 20 I gained, and settled mainly at the 84kg mark.

This was what I weighed when falling preg with B, baby num 2.  Yet again I had a slow but steady climb in my pregnancy weight gain, tracking almost identically to the first preg.  In fact, yet again, 2 days before I gave birth when I jumped on the dreaded scales I was sitting at 99kgs, again!  I crossed my fingers that I would pop in the next few days so as to avoid hitting the hundy the following week if I was still pregnant.  I had - and still have this mental goal (obsession) of not going over 99kgs. So even though I hit the same total of 99kgs with the 2nd preg, I only gained 15kgs in total, 5kgs less than preg 1, because I started 5kgs heavier.  Clear as mud?

Losing the baby weight second time around took much longer and was much harder.  In fact, it wasn't until early 2012, when B was nearly 2 years old,  that I really got stuck into it, after getting angry at myself for a very good Xmas of over-indulging!  I worked hard throughout the year and by August I had reached my goal weight of around 79-80kgs, FINALLY back down to my pre-1st baby weight!

As much as we were thrilled to find out I was pregnant around Oct, there was a small part of me that was gutted to be back on the 'weight gain train' - again!  What really shocked and confused me was the speed of the weight gain early in this pregnancy,  Unlike the previous 2, where my weight slowly and steadily crept up, with almost no gain in the first trimester, this time by the first midwives visit at 8-9 weeks, I had gone from 80-86kgs!!!!! This rapid growth was one of the reasons I was booked in for an early scan.  Turns out there was no obvious reason for this and baby seems to be of normal size and healthy.  My suspicions are that it might be because of my weight loss prior to falling pregnant.  My body had become accustomed to me dieting, exercising and losing weight, so when I fell pregnant, it went out of its way to do the opposite, doing it's best to keep it on!

The growing bump, 24wks

It has, thank god, slowed down.  Weight tracking so far has gone as follows:
Pre-preg - 80kgs
8/9 weeks - 86kgs
20 weeks - 90kgs
24 weeks - 91.7kgs
27 weeks - 93.7 kgs  :(

Anyone out there guess where this is heading?  The hundy mark is looming ever closer on the not so distant horizon, like a lurking black hole desperate to suck me in.  I once again, am obsessed with avoiding it at all costs but am not sure if it is possible, I was never great at maths but with still 13 weeks to go and with the weight gain so far - where does it leave me?

Obviously every pregnancy is different and so far this one has certainly lived up to that, but we all know most pregnancy weight gain happens in the last month or 2 and I cant see how I can avoid that reality. I know gaining weight is normal and expected during pregnancy and I am not looking for ways to stop weight gain or even lose some weight, I just want to know what I can do to slow it down and keep it to a healthy level.

Help - any advice?

Pregnancy milestones

When it comes to my job for many of my colleagues, the word 'milestone' strikes dread into the heart with the knowledge of late nights and LOTS of hard work ahead of you.  Pregnancy milestones however tend to be the talk of mothers for years to come, something we reflect back on... and in my opinion - if you are the slightest bit normal, find them harder and harder to recall as time goes by and one baby is perhaps followed by another!

This is one of the main reasons I decided to blog throughout this pregnancy.  I wanted to be able to look back and clearly remember the key milestones of what most likely will be my last pregnancy.  As a mother of 2 daughters already, I wanted to be able to share with them what it is like to carry a baby, and to share with others interested the good, the bad, the amazing and the damn right painful wonders of being pregnant and giving birth.

I am conscious of the fact that I didn't do this with my first 2 children though and so I have decided that perhaps a table, showing the milestones for all 3 of my pregnancies would be a good idea.  It will also demonstrate quite clearly just how much can slip from the memory once motherhood kicks into full swing!

The highs and lows of the ultrasound

Ah the exciting/dreaded baby scan. I have had my fair share of ultrasounds and I can say quite honestly that it can be the most moving and exciting experience...or anything but!

The mix of emotions I would bet most women feel, is something you can't control nor prepare for. The first time I got pregnant my husband and I went along for our first scan at 12 weeks, full of excitement and hope, keen to see our wee bean for the first time, only to find that it was not to be and although I had not suffered any symptoms, I had lost the baby and would then go on to have a D&C at the hospital. It was awful, enough said.

9 week scan - thankfully just the 1 little bean!

You can see though, how the knowledge of an upcoming visit for a baby scan could then go on to strike nervousness and apprehension into my heart, followed closely by positive thoughts as I refused to give into the fear. The risk of miscarriage is not the only thing that can cause those feelings though as I found out with this pregnancy! I was shocked to notice that by 6 or so weeks, I had developed what I considered to be a quite noticeable bump! I knew I wasn't imagining things as my clothes didn't fit and others were even 'kind' enough to comment on how early I was showing. I became quite paranoid about it and immediately raised it with my midwife during our first vist at 8 weeks. She also asked me to jump on the scales where I was appalled to find I had gained 5kg!!!! Yes - that's right, and yes I was only 8 weeks. She suggested an early scan as there was a chance I could be carrying twins, which is common through our family. I can assure you that had I been having twins I would have loved them with all my heart, but I am not ashamed to say that the feelings I had going into that first scan was similar to all the rest - but now doubled! I was nervous firstly about seeing if my baby was healthy and developing ok, then I was really nervous about there being more than 1 in there. The sigh of relief when she scanned my protruding belly to find just ONE healthy little bean was strong enough to knock over a full grown man!

13 week scan

19 week scan, side profile and feet

Thankfully, all 3 of my scans for this pregnancy, at 9, 13 and 19 weeks have gone smoothly and our baby seems to be developing beautifully. I even put aside all my fears and nerves for the last scan at 19 weeks because I figured it could quite possibly be my last baby scan ever and I just want to expect the best and enjoy it. Which I did and it was just as amazing this time as with every other scan I have had for my 3 healthy pregnancies. They only downside is that I wanted to know the sex and this was my only chance to find out but bubba wouldn't play the game. It was sitting with it's knees up to it's chest and it's hands resting squarely over it's goods, so nothing to see there! I have resigned myself to the fact the I will have to wait a few months to find out what flavour it is, but I am happy enough knowing that at least I have a healthy, albeit somewhat modest little baby, brewing nicely, ready to come and meet it's Mumma sometime this June!

Out of the blue, things turn green :(

After 2 pregnancies you would be forgiven for thinking the third time round should be a walk in the park. For my first pregnancy with H (3), I had all the usual symptoms, sore breasts, heightened sense of smell & I felt nauseous & pretty tired for the first 12 weeks. For my 2nd pregnancy with B (2), I had no symptoms at all, & as it was an unplanned pregnancy, we were really surprised to find out that I was actually pregnant. Both of them were cruisy, easy pregnancies - B's right the way through & with H, even though I was feeling pretty crappy for the first 12 weeks, I was never sick & I have truly never felt so good as when I was in the 2nd trimester with her.

Then comes number 3! I got to 5 weeks pregnant and had the nerve to think "Woohoo, it must be another pregnancy like Brookes, no symptoms!" It seems I jinxed myself. Week 6 arrived and one morning I woke up and the second I got out of bed I felt violently sick so raced directly to the toilet to be ill. This dance continued for several weeks. I was usually only sick during the mornings but every now & then would vomit later in the evening. The usual routine would be to get out of bed, go and throw up until there was nothing left in my stomach, have a shower then tuck into breaky! Once I had got being sick out of the way, I could eat pretty good and could get through the day sorta ok, until about 2-3pm & it would all go downhill again. I would be EXHAUSTED, need to nap & not be able to stomach any food really at all. The silver lining is that as quick as the symptoms came on, they disappeared! At around 11-12 weeks, it all pretty much just stopped.

Now I am 15 weeks & feel totally normal again. Appetite is stable, I've stopped throwing up & energy levels are almost back to normal. I am tired, but I work full time & have 2 toddlers so no surprise there! Why is this pregnancy so different from the others?

All I can think is that maybe this time it's a boy...as surely only a male would cause that much trouble!

How it all began...

So this year, 2012, I was working full time as a facilitator for CORE Education, raising H (3) & B (2), doing papers towards my Masters of Education, building a new house & travelling a lot both with work & a trip to Thailand with hubby J. It has been busy but it has also been an awesome year. J has been flat out with fencing work for Chapman Fencing too so we both have had a full on, challenging but successful year. We started talking about having more kids. Yes we would love a boy but more importantly we both decided we would really like another kid - boy or girl! We have loved having our 2 girls and would be totally happy with 1 more if that should be the case so decided to go for it. I thought we would actively start trying in September but as it turned out I was away most of that month with work, in fact from Sept-Dec. But I did have the odd night at home!!!! So, I was actually very surprised when mid Oct rolls around & I was late...not for dinner but LATE late!  I didn't really think I would be pregnant that fast, but I was wrong! I took a home test and got a very faint, but def there, 2nd line which clearly means a positive test.

 I showed J & we were both surprised but very happy!
We decided we better tell our families early as we had them all coming around the next weekend for B's 2nd bday and mainly because a couple of weeks later we were having a big party at my parents pub for my WIPCE reunion and it wouldn't go un-noticed for long if I wasn't drinking! Which meant we went public early with our closest friends & family but I was cool with that.

 3rd times a charm so they say, I guess time will tell!